Imagine, if you would, my fellow Critters.
Fjord and Nott.
Trying to parent each other.
Because Nott is the mom-friend and Fjord is the dad-friend. But they both consider the other an idiot (asshole, in Fjord’s case) kid they need to look out for. So they’re both just trying to aggressively take care of each other without looking like they’re caring for each other.
[Excerpt compiled from MBMBaM 437: A Silent Chug. Press J to automatically scroll past long transcript!]
Griffin: Uh, Travis has, uh, set up, uh, “buttercupisagood”…”good”…”girl”…
Travis: “buttercupisaverygoodgirl.com”! And let me say this–
Griffin: Tops.
Travis: –uh, we have got ourselves a
second dog. Her name is Lily, she is ALSO a very good girl, dot com,
and as soon as I get enough pictures of her, I will be building
another Squarespace website called “lilyisaverygoodgirl.com”–I
should go buy that now before this episode goes up–
Griffin: Yes.
Travis: –and just go ahead and sit on
that–
Griffin: I mean, the real competition,
I think, is you need to do it before Justin does it, ‘cause he–
Travis: Oh, no!
Griffin: –yeah, the, Juice, the race is
on, if you’ve recovered, and are able to [indecipherable]
Travis: Alright, well, he’s gonna be
way faster at it than me! Oh, sorry, I’m racing Justin!
Griffin: Yeah, I can’t wait to see the
results of this.
Travis: I’m just gonna lose it, he
needs this. Umm–
Justin: I NEED it? I don’t– I don’t need your
CHARITY!
Travis: [a single loud lumberjack
guffaw]
Justin: Don’t need your CHARITY.
Travis: Okay, then, you read the next
one while Iiiiiii get it.
Justin: Alright, yeah, you grab it,
Trav. Go for, it bud! Get it, Trav, get it! I don’t have it!
Travis: Oh no, did you already get it?!
Griffin: [the delighted cackling of a crow]
Justin: You have any troubles getting
it, bud?
Travis: [slightly higher pitch] Did you
already get it?!
Justin: Aww, bud, I got it three weeks
ago, bud!
Griffin: [ascends to a higher plane of
corvine joy]
Travis: No…
Justine: No, I got it when you adopted
the dog, bud!
Travis: Oh, no…
Justin: You shouldn’t have texted me
that you were getting a dog before you got the URL of your dog!
OBVIOUSLY!
Travis: oh, no………..
Orly telling Fjord that the Balleater will “always belong to Captin Tusktooth” and saying that he’d put the crew to work while they wait for the m9’s return suggests that this ragtag bunch of sailors that were essentially kidnapped and drafted into brief piracy has become so fucking ride or die for the Mighty Nein that even when given the option of freedom, they’d rather hang around and wait for these absolute assholes to come back and drag them on towards another adventure
au where vex lives on her own, misses vax, so she tapes a knife to a roomba to replace him
Bold of you to assume she didnt do this in whitestone castle in canon.
do you mean to imply that Percy De Rolo invents the roomba
My grandmother is a bitter old crab with nothing good to say about anything, but she does have a few good stories. She confronted the woman my grandfather had been cheating on her with - this other woman had no idea he was married, and was righteously angry.
The two of them schemed together. My grandfather’s mistress drove her convertible to the construction site where he was working. As he approached the car, she said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were married?”
“Married?! I’m not married!” he said.
My grandmother sat up in the back seat, where she’d been lying down, and said, “You won’t be for much longer.”
HOLY SHIT
This is a Country song.
i understand the historical reasons why English is the most common language
but if I was writing a speculative fiction novel
and I said “the language that most people learn as a second language, usually for professional reasons, is also the only one with a spelling system so terrible that spelling words correctly is a broadcasted competition”
you’d be like “extremely unrealistic 0/10”
i never thought of this, do other languages not have spelling bees?
What
“Batman has more than one son,“ I say into the mic.
The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.
“She’s right,” I hear. I look around for the owner of the voice. There in the fifth row, he stands: Bruce Wayne himself.
“What does he know about Batman” the crowd replies and resumes booing. Bruce Wayne discreetly leaves the room. In an unrelated turn of events, a voice speaks from above. “She’s right,” I hear. There crashing through the skylight: Batman.
talking to my dad is a freaking minefield. Today at dinner I asked him if he’d ever been to New York City in the 90′s and he was like, “nope. Only in the 70′s to donate blood for my mom in the hospital while she was dying from leukemia.” I swear I didn’t even know my grandmother had leukemia (may she rest in peace). This is worse than the time I asked him if he’d ever had riding lessons and he said, “not since my childhood lesson pony burned to death in a barn fire in Kentucky.”
he just did it again! I was making small talk while we were carrying in the groceries like, “yeah I have a taser in my purse but I’ve never gotten to use it,” and he goes, “I’ve been tasered before it’s not fun. Neither was waterboarding.”
wtf dad
latest edition:
me: I found a bottle of vic’s vapo rub in the cabinet that expired in 2002 but it was fine.
my dad: Oh I don’t touch that stuff but guys I worked with used it to mask the smell of bodies that’d been dead for a while.
is your dad an ex-assassin
Fjord: I wonder...am I really a bastard or am I just really good at thinking like one?
